'Cats are a dealbreaker for him': 30-year-old cat mom refuses to give up her 20-year-old senior cat in order to move in with her "allergic" younger boyfriend

Author image for Blake Seidel
Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Jul 23, 2026 7:00 PM EDT

Never give up something you love for someone else. Your cats deserve that, at the very least.

Pet compatibility is one of the first tests a future partner must pass. When I was still dating (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), it was one of the first things I would bring up on first dates. My cats always take first priority and will always be a part of my life. And even after they're gone, there will be more cats because I think they're the ultimate companions and I love having them around. If the date wasn't immediately on board with that, then it was an immediate, "Thanks, but no thanks".

You would think that most cat pawrents would feel the same, but apparently, that isn't true. When thinking about taking the "next step" with her younger boyfriend, our cat mom below was presented with an ultimatum: they can move in together, but the cats can't come with her. To add insult to injury, one of her cats is a 20-year-old senior kitty. To rehome a cat at that age would be horrible, and now she's considering if this is the right decision or not.

Cat mom, if you're by any chance reading this, you're making the wrong decision. Do not give up your baby for a man, or for anyone for that matter. Your cat has been with you for 98% of its life and knows you as its family. Do you know how hard it is for senior cats to get adopted? You would be forcing them to live out the rest of their time in a shelter, alone. If you do this, we're sorry, but we're going to have to revoke your "cat lover" status because a cat lover would never put their cat through something so awful.

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  • 01

    Am I overreacting for refusing to move in with my boyfriend because he won't let me bring my cats?

    Your senior cat deserves to live its final years with you
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Woman laying with her cat in their home

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (30F) have been talking about moving in with my boyfriend (29M) this October. I really do want to live with him, but we have one huge issue... my cats.
    via 17thlife
  • 03
    He says he's allergic to cats, which I completely understand, but he also just doesn't like them and thinks they're gross. He's told me that's where he draws the line, and if we live together, the cats can't come.
    via 17thlife
  • 04
    The problem is I've had one of my cats for 20 years. I've literally had him since I was a kid. My other cat I've had for about 4 years. They're family to me, not just pets.
    via 17thlife

  • I could never be in a relationship with someone who describes my cats as “gross”. That's not only disrespectful; it's also a huge red flag. You shouldn't yuck your partner's yum. Your partner should be the person in your corner, supporting you no matter what. 

  • 05
    I've tried thinking of other options. I could keep my apartment, but it's almost $1,800/month, which feels crazy just to keep my cats there. I even thought about asking my best friend to take them since he's been staying with them while I've been traveling for work with my boyfriend, but I don't want to put that responsibility on someone else.
    via 17thlife
  • 06
    My boyfriend isn't threatening to leave. me or anything. He's just made it clear that cats are a dealbreaker for him if we're going to live together.
    via 17thlife
  • 07
    IN
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Couple taking the next step and moving into their new house 

    All subjects are models and are a representation of characters in the story

  • 08
    I love him and I do see a future with him, but I honestly don't think I could forgive myself if I gave my cats away. Especially my 20-year-old cat. I also keep thinking... what if I rehome them and then a year later we break up? I'd never be able to take that back.
    via 17thlife
  • 09
    He thinks I'm making this into a much bigger issue than it needs to be, but I don't feel like asking someone to give up pets they've loved for years is a small thing. Am I overreacting by refusing to move in unless my cats can come too?
    via 17thlife
  • 10
    PlantyPenPerson NOR don't move in with him and keep the cats.
    via PlantyPenPerson
  • 11
    Zoethor2 Compatibility about pet ownership preferences is a relationship dealbreaker for many people. NOR but you're going to have to choose between being a cat owner and your boyfriend.
    via Zoethor2

  • That shouldn't even be a question. If someone is ready to give up cats forever because of a relationship, then they didn't really love cats in the first place. There are plenty of guys out there who also love cats, and we pawmise you, they're pretty great. I found one and he's the best cat dad our feline family ever could have asked for.

  • 12
    Immediate-Winter1025 I also have cat that's almost 20. She's been through it all with me. I'm seriously a wee bit irritated he wants you to rehome them to move in with him.
    via Immediate-Winter1025
  • 13
    ajhawk79 NOR Maybe you should wait to move in. It seems like a deal breaker for him. You need to decide if it is for you or not. Personally, I think your senior cat deserves to live it's final years with you.
    via ajhawk79
  • 14
    CleverGirlRawr I would not be getting rid of pets. to live with a guy. Pet agreement is part of compatibility.
    via CleverGirlRawr
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10649192448
    via Jonas Jaeken

    Old tabby cat resting outside the home he's lived in since kittenhood

    Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.

  • 16
    stink3rb3lle He's allowed to not want to live with cats, but it is really messed up to minimize the feelings and responsibility you feel towards these animals. NOR, I actually think you're underreacting.
    via stink3rb3lle
  • 17
    Ok_Put7254 I legitimately don't know anyone who would give up their pet for a gf /bf. NOR
    via Ok_Put7254
  • 18
    St33lers1 Not over reacting. Do not give up your cars to move in with him. I'm not saying break up but I could never live without my cats.
    via St33lers1
  • 19
    Few-Box-2178 This is extremely important to you and he is minimizing it. This is very concerning for more than just this issue. It shows how much he values you and what is important to you. You are not compatible. Please get rid of him and keep your babies.
    via Few-Box-2178
  • 20
    Relevant Ad1315 do NOT abandon your cats especially if you've had one for 20 years. they would be so confused and distressed. they're your responsibility and you also made a commitment to them to give them the best life possible and to take care of them. do not move anywhere without your cats period.
    via Relevant_Ad1315
  • 21
    HotDonnaC "My boyfriend isn't threatening to leave me or anything. He's just made it clear that cats are a dealbreaker for him if we're going to live together." So, the cats are a dealbreaker. I wouldn't do it, but it's your decision.
    via HotDonnaC
  • 22
    Immediate-Winter1025 Say goodbye to the boyfriend. Who in their right mind makes their partner get rid of their pets!
    via Immediate-Winter1025
  • 23
    MovieLazy6576 NOR Pet people are not compatible with non pet people. You are a terrible person if you sacrifice your animals to move in with this person.
    via MovieLazy6576
  • 24
    Plenty_Cress_1359 I think he's just saying he's allergic unless you've seen him sneeze and break out in hives when he's at your place. Additionally, ANYONE who would make you get rid of something you love is a huge
    via Plenty_Cress_1359
  • 25
    silverbug13 Pets are for life. He has low empathy. Character flaw.
    via silverbug13
  • 26
    HistoricalFudge3186 NOR Doesn't sound like you're compatible. You've had cats for most of your life. Is he expecting you to never have cats again to be with him? Are you ok with that?
    via HistoricalFudge3186
  • 27
    Also cats have a difficult time adjusting to change and your senior cat would suffer greatly if you rehome now. This cat has been with you since you were a kid and you've grown up together. I can't imagine asking someone I love to give up that relationship.
    via HistoricalFudge3186
  • 28
    dragoste6 NOR. He might not be threatening to leave you over it like you said, but he IS being quite cold and unsympathetic. You say he's telling you you're making it into a 'bigger issue than it needs to be',
    via dragoste6
  • 29
    downplaying your very valid emotions about a pet that's been with you almost all of your life. It sounds like to me that he's not very empathetic or respecting of your (valid) emotions and
    via dragoste6
  • 30
    downplaying something that is very important to you. I don't know you or him or your relationship, but if he doesn't respect or care about your emotions on this, it may become a recurring theme in issues in the future.
    via dragoste6

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rehoming cats senior cats relationship drama dealbreaker
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